Koach group at the gate to Auschwitz Birkenau

 

 

 

 

By Michael Kaplan

Here we are with the one blog post I didn’t want to write. Not that I don’t think it’s important. Not that I don’t have any thoughts. But I didn’t want to write this one. Let me explain that a bit. When asked if anyone would write a blog, I volunteered. I have thoughts and enjoy writing them, but then I was asked to write one about today. I’m a perfectionist. I like to try and say the perfect thing, especially when I’m writing and have the time and space to reflect and work through what I want to say slowly. But how can I say the perfect thing about Auschwitz Birkenau? I can’t. So please bare with me while I inevitably stumble through that in my post.

When we first arrived at the camp, to be honest, I was a bit underwhelmed. Auschwitz 1, where we started our day, didn’t look or feel particularly like I expected from a concentration/death camp. Along with that, many of the blocks were set up in such a way that they had more of a museum feel.

I learned an incredible amount. For example, it makes sense that Auschwitz 1 felt more like a prison considering that’s what it started as for POW’s and was later converted to what we think of it as today as the Nazis realized their final solution. All this said, where the underwhelm played in was simply in the sense that I’d seen many of these things before at other museums. It was certainly unique to see where it happened, but the content itself wasn’t all unique.

There were still several things that had distinct impacts on me. The first memorable moment was seeing what two tons of hair looked like. And this was only two compared to the seven that they found at a textile factory (can’t really describe how gross that is). Some of the punishments for people stepping out of line were pretty intense. Trying to imagine being placed in one of the standing chambers overnight with four other people in pitch black just to be sent back to work in the morning was challenging. Walking around Block 10, which was the most well-preserved of the ones we went into, had some gut-wrenching moments as well. There were a couple places where people had scrawled small calendars on the walls and were crossing off days, only to have them remain uncrossed after only a couple of weeks. We ended Auschwitz 1 by walking into one of the underground gas chambers. Entering through the imposing, narrow tunnel into a place where so many people were murdered was impossible to describe.

We then moved on to Birkenau. This was more along the lines of what I had imagined a concentration camp to look like. There were still many moments that were truly heart wrenching, such as standing on the selection platform where so many families were torn apart, but that wasn’t my main takeaway from this camp. We had the opportunity to go to the top of the infamous guard tower that overlooked the tracks and the rest of the camp. Seeing it all from a bird’s eye view was a startling way to take in the sheer vastness of the horrors that had taken place there. There were SO many barracks, each of which was holding SO many people. And all those people (who would more than likely have perished for one reason or another anyway), were just the small subset of people who weren’t immediately sent to the gas chambers.

I’m a math teacher and a numbers guy. Without meaning to or realizing it, I’d retreated into a small realm of comfort and taken a relatively small perspective on everything. When we were in Auschwitz 1, there were two exhibits that I found myself unable to look at, outside of a brief glance before turning away. My 5-year-old son wears glasses, so I was unable to look at the pile of melted glasses without picturing his face behind them. I have a 2-year-old daughter, and the very first pair of shoes I saw in the pile of children’s shoes looked like a pair I saw her wear the day before I left for my trip. These two small moments of hesitancy put me in a position to feel with the people who literally walked in those shoes made me disengage more than I realized or am proud of. While I don’t regret anything about the day, I will certainly prepare differently next time. The history and stories of this place are so important, as hard as they are to hear, see, and, in turn, tell. This is my commitment to coming back, my commitment to preparing differently so that I can bring away new experiences, and my commitment to tell these stories shamelessly and loudly. We are still here, and we will no longer be victims.

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The Maurer Koach Program  (Koach means "strength" in Hebrew) is experiential and provides exposure and experiences that equip the cohort with tools to educate, lead, and advocate for themselves and others. It is currently in its second year. The program includes 8 monthly interactive sessions, where local, national, and international leaders address current approaches to understanding and combatting antisemitism as well as provide insights into Jewish life, leadership, and social justice. In addition to the sessions, the cohort takes a trip to Poland and Hungry to learn and experience historical moments. This blog is part of a series of reflections from members of the cohort while on this trip.